The Most Comforting Thing When Life Sucks
Mutter this and find your footing
It’s a balm. You should mutter it like a mantra whenever life is cruel.
I didn’t know this manta when my immune system began attacking my intestines. I was ignorant of the leverage it provides when struggling to read as a child. I had no idea it could comfort me when I felt broken and doomed.
Now I know it, and it’s never far from my mind or my lips.
Wise men and women have crafted a thousand variations across millennia, but you might like Marcus Aurelius’s version:
“Nothing happens to anyone that they’re not fitted by nature to endure.”
—Meditations 5.18
Marcus is talking about our superpower, the one we come equipped with, the ray of light illuminating the dark places we find ourselves.
The idea is that humans can provide for our own happiness and rise above obstacles. Maybe you simply call it reason, but that sells it short.
Three truths circle this idea:
The worst-case scenario is that we never overcome our misfortune. But we can endure it like we’ve endured a thousand things before. We can accustom ourselves to anything and be happy. So misery always lacks perspective, and it’s optional. We can move on now, or start moving on rather than clinging to suffering.
Since we’re equipped with reason, we frequently overcome our obstacles. When my intestines were bleeding my doctors told me I was stuck with an autoimmune disease for life. As you can imagine, I was despondent. But I’ve been in remission for 21 years without drugs. Being strict with my diet and lifestyle — embracing reason and virtue — did more for me than modern medicine could.
Our misfortunes force us to grow. They make us better, more capable people, and we should embrace them. Every time misfortune strikes, a new round of the great Stoic game has begun. How we respond — with a complaint, a shrug, or a smile — is the first move of the game. We’re being scored, so we’d best choose wisely.
To sum up, I can’t really beat Viktor Frankl, another font of the same timeless wisdom:
“Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation. You cannot control what happens to you in life, but you can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.” —Viktor Frankl, Man’s Search For Meaning
Thanks for reading Socratic State of Mind.
If you liked this article, please like and share it, which helps more readers find my work.
Put simply:
"What doesn't kill me, makes me stronger" or
"Stop whining about adverse circumstances, be the creator of your own ones"
Parents and private schools (public ones never will) should spend much more of their curricula simply exposing and explaining to the kids the deep wisdom of the thousands of quotes smart people in all places and civilizations have uttered over the ages. There's no walk-of-life that isn't covered succinctly and almost in a perfect way to easily and playfully be kept in mind.
Beautiful thoughts, theory really, to which I once subscribed. But observations over a long life have led me to conclude that only some people "can always control what you will feel and do about what happens to you.” It seems to me that some (most?) can't always control what they feel or what they do - even with long years practicing self-control as Stoics, Buddhists, etc. Unfortunately, Frankl's theory can make those who can't muster self-control to feel guilty and those who can, to cast blame. Perhaps the best we can do is have compassion for whatever others and we ourselves do (have to?) endure and gratitude for all miseries that don't befall us.