How to Give Great Gifts to Ourselves
Benevolence through a time portal
The memory hole opened and out dropped a present from Past Andrew.
At least that’s what seemed to happen. See, my shitty memory gives me a superpower: the delusion of a benevolent past Andrew with a will of his own, surprising me with his efforts to improve my present and future.
Case in point: Three years ago I was stressed at tax time and stumbled on a folder full of receipts and tally sheets outlining some financial stuff I was working on. Where did it come from? I had no memory of making it, but the receipt dates suggest I created it 10 months before.
I was really grateful — my stress level dropped 50% and suddenly taxes weren’t a big deal.
This memory glitch made it feel like past Andrew shoved a bow-strewn gift through a time portal, straight into my hands. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized this was always happening — we’re just too wrapped up in future yearning and present delusion to realize the best things frequently stem from our past selves’ altruistic choices.
This raises an interesting dilemma: — should I be as good to Future Andrew as Past Andrew was to me? What if it means sacrificing the happiness of Now Andrew?
Great Past-Self Gifts Compound:
Twenty-three-year-old Andrew struggled with money and keeping a sputtering car on the road, but somehow scraped together $4,000 over a few years and dumped it into his retirement account in 2008. He would have preferred spending it on gadgets or a vacation or…well…anything. But he sensed Future Andrew (not me, I’m just stewarding it) would need this money more than him. I’m grateful he did.
Given the power of compounding, it’s unlikely any dollar I invest now will have as much leverage for growth. Past Andrew’s gift has returned 459.5%, and will compound until I retire. So in this sense, Past Andrew is more powerful than present Andrew. He shoved a snowball downhill that’s inexorably turning into a money avalanche. It follows that Future Andrew will have less leverage than Now Andrew in some domains because time compounds many things.
But money is a crass approximation of what I’m hoping to convey, and we’re in danger of believing the lie of Now Us and Future Us forever warring over limited resources.
Now Me vs Future Me
If we go into debt giving our future self presents, we’re not doing them any favors — we’re saddling them with burdens. If we never relax, spend money for pleasure, or engage in personal growth, we’ll hand our future selves a burnt-out husk. What sort of inheritance is that?
Psychologically, it’s not clear prioritizing Future US is a good move. Research suggests delayed gratification and goal pursuit make us happier, but it can come at the cost of guilt and regret when we divert time and resources to enjoying the present1. Who wants to live like that, slave to an us that might not come to pass? Do we really want to be stressed in the present so we can have a better future?
Should we just settle for pursuing pleasure now?
The Lobbyist
Real Talk: The voice in our heads is full of bullshit. It’s not even us, and the opinions and facts it spews are often dishonest. We need to be skeptical of its positions and push back against them.
When was the last time the voice campaigned for allocating time and resources for the benefit of Future You? If Future You gets anything at all, it’s probably a few scraps, and only after a willpower brawl of epic proportions.
Perhaps — hear me out — the voice’s priorities are biased in its favor of the now.
This is why we let bullshit stop us — that weaselly, kick-the-can-down-the-road lobbyist advocating for itself and the easy path. The voice doesn’t want us to take back control of our nights; it would happily see us enslaved if it led to pleasure and ease in the now.
You’re probably thinking this is human nature. Now Us will always rob the future blind, and if we can put aside a few scraps for tomorrow, that’s all we can hope for.
But what if there was a better way than this lopsided conflict?
The Gift That’s Always Worth Giving
The solution to this standoff, along with so many of life’s dilemmas, comes back to seeking lasting happiness rather than hedonic injections that quickly return to baseline. I argue that we can achieve it through an unlikely-sounding avenue: virtue.
That means bringing moderation, wisdom, justice, and courage to this moment. Just as justice (and happiness research) suggests we’re happier helping others rather than ourselves, we’re happier serving Future Us as long as we’re not embracing vice to do it.
The Stoic philosopher Seneca said something that sounds like pious garbage: “…every virtue is its own reward…the wages of a good deed are to have done it.” (Letters, 81.19)
Bla bla bla. Can you get Now You to swallow that?
But I’ve come to believe it. The Stoic’s eudaimonia — a kind of transcendent thriving beyond the ups and downs of the moment — does result from virtuous living, and it’s better than short-term pleasure by a mile.
If we believe virtue in the now is stupid self-sacrifice and not in our best interest, it’s a lost cause. Once our momentary willpower runs out we’ll return to our chains and our pathetic slavery to dopamine injections.
So how do we come to believe in virtue?
Convince Yourself
Teenaged me didn’t believe Stoic claims about therapeía; changing how we feel by changing what we think sounded preposterous. But I was wrong.
Today, therapy is all the rage, and the leading modalities are derived from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) which was based on ancient Stoic therapeutic exercises.
CBT therapists help people examine the accuracy of their beliefs and demonstrate that letting go of cognitive distortions and errors leads to greater emotional well-being and happiness.
Well, your justifications for neglecting Future You can be one of two things:
Reasonable and accurate (and therefore virtuous).
Unreasonable and distorted (and therefore vicious).
The first “neglect,” isn’t neglect at all. It’s what’s necessary to live well, and it starts now. It’s the second category that needs our attention.
Which brings us to the one compounding thing to do right now that always serves Future Us and Now Us: A philosophy practice. Because if we can see straight regarding some of the unreasonable and distorted justifications that voice makes, we’re going to start treating Future Us better as a side benefit to living well in this moment.
Countering the Voice
How do we shut up the bullshit-spewing voice in our head lobbying for Now Us at the expense of Future Us?
We examine its arguments critically.
You can do this in your head, but I suggest you journal like a philosopher for maximum impact.
When the voice lobbies for:
Buying new shiny things instead of paying off debt
Couch life instead of moderate and effective exercise
Throwing yourself into an algorithmic dopamine pit instead of embracing the deep pleasure of focused attention
Eating the things Americans eat instead of healthy food
Repeating the mistakes of the majority because everyone does it.
You need to be ready with the counter of JOMO (Joy of Missing Out).
We do this by seeing immoderate short-term pleasures for what they really are — sad things we’re enslaved to, and frankly pathetic. We don’t want to be part of that fiasco. It doesn’t live up to our ideals.
We examine each demand with Horace’s Wedge, and Marcus Aurelius’s disgust technique.
When we do, the lobbyist in our head sputters to silence. It’s The Emperor's New Clothes scenario. We see the illusion for what it really is — bullshit.
Remember, it’s not about wearing a hair shirt and neglecting your current needs. Moderation is one of the virtues! Burning yourself out is not virtuous.
There’s a path that cares for Now You and Future You, and it starts right now.
Gratitude For Past Us
I look back at my past self and experience gratitude.
The tempting food I didn’t eat so I could be healthier today.
Eighteen months of writing here when I could have been doing anything else.
The Years of exercise that have built my body.
All the times I said no to something that didn’t serve me.
Past Andrew practiced these habits frequently enough that many are automatic — they’re at work before I have a chance to go astray.
Anything we’re doing now — if it’s virtuous — is a gift for future us and present us.
I wrap my actions up with a bow. Many will be memory-holed, and one day they’ll pop into existence where Future Andrew will unwrap the gift and be delighted.
The point isn’t to be happy. The point is the rightness of it. But the side effect — eudaimonia — is incredibly pleasant.
This approach has left me:
Better off financially, with fewer liabilities and more assets.
Kinder and more charitable with others, since if Current and Future Andrew are cared for, I have the resources and time to help others.
Physically healthier.
Less beholden to the addictive tech so many are struggling with.
These are extremely compelling side effects, a great reason to live well now.
And Future Me? He’s going to like the packages I’m mailing out today.
Thanks for reading Socratic State of Mind.
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Park LE, et al. Happiness-To enjoy now or later? Consequences of delaying happiness and living in the moment beliefs. Emotion. 2023 Feb;23(1):138-162.
Love this idea!! Thanks
Excellent read, as always.