Can we be cheerful when life sucks?
Training yourself to be is a focus for Stoics. Seneca talks about the ideal Stoic sage we’re supposed to be aiming for:
“And if you come across a man who is never alarmed by dangers, never affected by cravings, happy in adversity, calm in the midst of storm, viewing mankind from a higher level and the gods from their own, is it not likely that a feeling will find its way into you of veneration for him? …Into that body there has descended a divine power.1”
But there isn’t much surviving Stoic literature on generating the emotion of happiness, much less doing it under less-than-ideal circumstances. I’d classify Stoic therapeutics as focused on relieving suffering, though some elements, such as gratitude, generate positive emotions if done well.
So I assumed happiness in the face of adversity was just theoretical — just like the Stoic sage — until I spent time with Buddhist monks while living in Asia years ago.
They simply didn’t conceive of happiness as transactional, as we often do. It wasn’t, “I’ll be happy if/when,” or, “There’s a lot on my plate so I can’t yet be happy,” but rather, “I should remember to be happy today.”
They used their mind to make themselves experience the feeling of happiness regardless of what life was throwing at them.
The monks had various meditations to achieve this state, but you don’t need to meditate to get the same result.
If you’re in a “neutral,” or better emotional state, you can skip to the main technique below.
Clearing The Decks:
If you’re in emotional pain/stress/anxiety, etc, or just have a “busy mind,” that will distract you, sorting that out first will help. There’s no one “best” way to do this, but some Stoic options include:
Practicing the art of being relaxed and dedicated.
These practices can relieve some of the immediacy of the negative thoughts running through your head, and give you space for what’s next.
The Main Technique:
This is incredibly quick and easy but powerful. Do it right now if you can.
Find a quiet spot where you won’t be bothered. Close your eyes. Smile like you mean it, then mentally say “I’m happy!” also like you mean it. Say this at least a dozen times in your head with intention while you continue to smile. Don’t just go through the motions.
Be honest — do you feel happier?
Tell me in the comments below if this affects your mood.
You don’t even need to close your eyes. You can do this on a walk. As you become practiced at generating happiness, you can smile and do a few mental “I’m happy,” repetitions while working at your computer, or virtually anywhere else.
I find the effect of this simple intervention to be incredible. Rarely does so little achieve so much.
Caveats:
This always works for me, but the degree to which it works is modulated by several factors:
Have I sorted out what’s on my mind and, as Socrates suggested, examined my life? If not, the links above— or other Stoic therapeutic techniques — are very helpful. A tumultuous mind/emotional state gets in the way of anything you’re trying to do, but it can’t completely block the effect of this technique if you decide you want to be happy despite what’s going on.
I’ve underslept or slept poorly.
My circadian rhythm/other hormonal factors have been thrown off by a lack of sun/bright light exposure.
But even in the face of negative headwinds such as these, I’m able to be happier when I practice this simple technique.
I’m no Stoic Sage, but doing this has been a wonderful lesson. I now think circumstances don’t matter as much as we’re led to believe. Maybe I wouldn’t be happy, “on the rack,” as the Stoic sage is supposed to be, but I know from experience that I can be happy in the midst of quite a bit of unpleasantness.
So, smile and tell yourself you’re happy. I promise you’re not gaslighting yourself.
Let me know how it goes!
Seneca. Letters on Ethics. Letter 41